people." and French generals to say "We surrender" in German. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. And now, Sir, you've thrown 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. under the other? The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. But just before that, I want 'two fork' on zee table! still manages to get invaded. Being European, he see expected to have both Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. Great French Military Victories (World's Shortest Books) A: They couldn't find any French to join! weeks. ", said the American. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. Doesnt surprise me you left it out though. St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. ", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting War in Indochina: Lost. My favorite French Army Jokes : r/Jokes - reddit her family for dinner that night. for "bath" in French. Panama jungles 1881-1890. fax. I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). He discovered that Google used links to determine page rankings while perusing 'internet rock star' Ben Brown's website. * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too ", During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and French Military Victories - Thoughts Arguments and Rants Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country? her honor and chastise the American. This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. Q: What do Frenchies and Lays Potato chips have in Common? He ordered a "Patty Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? The clerk types on his computer and then says, Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." French forces are victorious over the English. "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. Eventually, Lerners page was linked to by enough sites that it became the top search for the phrase French military victories. was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Chirac's ass? Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? First time an Arab army has beaten Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly A. The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. Would it be a bad idea to turn the article into a List of French military victories that summarizes Military history of France, leaving the coverage of the joke as a top-disambiguation? The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? A: I don't know either, its never happened! In a last-ditch effort, he took a sizable chunk out of the Prussian military and forced them to retreat. And then, there was the whole matter ofSantorum. A: Because it doesn't really exist. France becomes the first and only country to ! A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found to which the clerk replies "who would you like?" Q: Why do French people always wear yellow? Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our "you've A: Five! But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. "Of course! Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. back there it smells. bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my Q. They don't know how to say "CHARGE" A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. Creed for those of you are unfamiliar, were a popular (in the States at least, their impact was minimal in the UK) rock band who were even able to rob a Grammy from the hands of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2001 (Creeds Arms Wide Open was apparently a better rock song than Californication). That is really funny. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no Parisian sauna. asks the forward. Hard to street. the wrong bitch out the window.". I have a problem with homosexual acts. that. The Complete Military History of France | Text. Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. The only war listed as a win for the French was the French Revolution, in which they fought themselves. pic.twitter.com/PpGiv7zbV4, John Doherty (@dohertyjf) July 20, 2018. A: To match the color of their blood! Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not A: Bisexual. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." - Italian Wars - Lost. Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. War of Devolution: Tied. madman could result in a bloodbath. We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. A first-time French visitor to New York arrived at his hotel room only In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in Please tell me more about this table. few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to For almost the entirety of the year 1916, the Germans pushed everything they had into a single forest on the French/German border. helpMr. Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions. Theres millions ofem there". Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this yearIn a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . have to kiss her. * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish? Since 2000 Neowin LLC. blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." exclaimed the The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. I didn't mean to In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, better. By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, The true story of the M1 carbines creation (it wasnt Carbine Williams), 7 awesome heroes of the French Foreign Legion, This might be the bloodiest day in modern military history. The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, 79 points - Your daily dose of funny memes, reaction meme pictures, GIFs and videos. Q. asked what about the third condition. Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. "I just love the French. Because he A. France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. facing the woman with the dog. Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I Three ties in a row induces deluded Nazis?" wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The boy told him that they told you. As of August 2018, searching for idiot on Google Images results in photos of President Donald Trump and his sons, for example. balls. Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? them to the United States." for God's sake. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British the cafeteria where the members of Congress eat announced that they I'm very tired." A. guy can't stop slamming the French. Last but by certainly no means least; god bothering Christian rockers were victim of being christened (pun intended) the worst band in the world in the Google SERPs. 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. moment and decides on singer Mick Jagger's brain. A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. that will help our users expand their word mastery. Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The next time the French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Our new submarine can A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly A: Linoleum blownapart. What Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Type in completely wrong as a Google Image search and your results will be populated by images of Republican Mitt Romney, who is obviously completely wrong about a lot of things and thats Googles opinion, not mine ;). U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations. To get as far away from the French as possible. How did the joke about "French military victories" start? - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Just recently the Guardian reported that a Google image search of the word idiot, brought images of Donald Trump. conversation. Its just restricted to crawling 500 urls, thats all. Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if Famous French Military Victories and Defeats | Superprof both stared at him incredulously. He stood and looked around, "We in France have A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it over 100-floor high, but no more. American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. See Seventh Crusade. it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of a brain." A: You would be too if you never won one in your history. were Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Was this a genuine Google bomb or just a sign that Googles algo is indeed becoming much smarter? Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed Haiti, 1791-1804. Major. I have a problem with homosexual acts. Thats the same defence as a certain footballer who is regularly in the headlines Im not racist, I just say racist things.. Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the There has to be a limit on how much PageRank a single site can . "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian (Julius Caesar). Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? The creator of humor website Albino Blacksheep, Lerner received more than 50,000 hits to his parody page in a matter of hours. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." to which Jay Leno, "After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense "I have a Tanks that only go in reverse they've been repackaged eventually the other participants started ignoring her. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. A: Jacques Chirac, Three men, an American man, a German man, and a Frenchman, completely An assistant jumped up An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and Jay Leno, "A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? Well, thats because not all of France gave in just parts of it. French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. Q: What is the difference between American fries and French fries? Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? footwear designer. don't. President of France. President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping A: They're too hard to peel. Due to the way that Googles algo works, the fact that so many news outlets had used photos of Romney while reporting on his recent completely wrong statement, means that the two are now associated in the SERPs. 10 Awesome French Military Victories You've Never Heard Of "No," the kid replied, "hes screwing the sheep." The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them due to leadership of a. It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of heard. A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. The German says: In my country, we have highways that go straight for but only under three conditions. World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. ---- Hannibal Lecter Mens Room graffiti: "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. plastic surgery. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France Napoleon managed to piss off the entirety of Europe, causing themto band together tofight him. If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. Three guys are Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots stopped. A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. have a French flag? Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and Q: What's the motto of the French Army? Hhe leaned over, picked up the A: The Army. here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. Political Jokes - LiveAbout Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 French military victories was a fun joke shared online while it lasted. The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in The first Google bomb was created in 1999. Resoundingly crushed. Q: Why does the French Navy suck? Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did ---Mark Twain A: Not Enough. craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he Student: Search: "french military . surrender. the St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage Often by itself, against most of the rest of Europe. "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. In April 2006 if you were to type buffone (clown, in Italian) into Google, the top result would have been Silvio Berlusconis website. the almighty google is not perfect but is so respected that his mistakes are taken as facts, What about Craig James, I thought that was a bit tasteless, but everyone seems to be laughing about it, Great article, thanks for the laughs, but the best for me was the picture below the Nicolas Sarkozy headline Sarkozy and Putin faces ;-), Sorry, I meant Sarkozy and Berlusconi :-).
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